


Live tomorrow

by rawwrrr (ladyYellow)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Caretaking, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Minor Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol, Platonic Cuddling, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:41:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25277104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyYellow/pseuds/rawwrrr
Summary: "Say it""I promise I'll be back in time to spend my first anniversary with my wonderful husband""I'll be waiting for you""I know"
Relationships: Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Wu Yi Fan | Kris
Comments: 8
Kudos: 18





	Live tomorrow

Even after almost a month, the silence is still almost unbearable.

Junmyeon more often than not finds himself trying to focus on Chanyeol’s snorings (not that difficult if one considers he isn’t the most quiet person in the world while sleeping) just to not hear the emptiness.

Right now, he's more interested in the ticking of the clock on the wall just for the sake of it.

Ah. How he wishes he could drink something, but he promised the others he wouldn’t do it. _Not again._

Junmyeon sighs, feeling helpless. He’s been busy all afternoon, cleaning everything that looks untidy, leaving the house in a state Minseok would be jealous of. No one was home and that just made him feel lonelier.

When he finished cleaning, it was raining. He contemplated the rain and he continued long after it was dark. He didn’t even realize when everyone came back and fell asleep, and now, even Baekhyun and Sehun (the gamers who always stay up late) aren’t awake.

This is not the first time Yifan leaves, but this time it has been almost a month, and Junmyeon knows he won't come back. He feels incomplete... _Empty._

He stands up from the couch just to set the coffee maker again and waits, this time on the kitchen counter, to pour himself another cup of the dark liquid.

When he reaches the kitchen, he finds the mess the others left behind after dinner and he realizes suddenly he hasn’t entered the kitchen in _days._ Dirty glasses, some cans of beer and empty take-out containers. He wonders how long it has been since they ate a healthy dinner (he guesses it's because Yifan was the one who nagged them to eat healthy stuff, even when Yifan himself didn’t like it).

He presses his mouth into a thin line, trying not to cry.

Junmyeon sighs again, as he watches his phone because he has nothing better to do, but nothing happens. Not that he was expecting something in the first place. There's no use, Yifan won’t come back.

He raises his eyes to look at the window again and he stares at the city lights blurred under the layer of raindrops.

Junmyeon pours the coffee in a new mug, and he doesn’t sweeten it with anything (just like Yifan liked it). When he carelessly sips it, he spills half the content over his hand, positively burning himself, making him drop the mug and splashing the rest of the hot beverage.

_Of course the noise wakes up everyone._

Kyungsoo enters the kitchen after a few seconds, followed by a half asleep Jongin. Baekhyun comes later, almost dragging Chanyeol with him. Junmyeon doesn’t even want to know why Baekhyun is naked, but it looks like no one is surprised. Sehun looks as asleep as Jongin.

“Is everything okay, hyung?” Sehun sounds half alarmed, half tired, not wanting to pay another visit to the hospital (like the first week, when Junmyeon took the whole bottle of Baekhyun's antidepressants). When he tries to nod, tears start to slide down his cheeks. Sehun freezes at his spot, not knowing what to do now. 

Kyungsoo pushes the younger and hugs his friend. He doesn’t care if Junmyeon is staining his shirt, nor if he has an exam tomorrow, he just strokes his back soothingly.

While at it, he asks Chayeol to bring him the first-aid kit to spray Junmyeon’s hand with something, while Jongin and Baekhyun pick up the broken glasses and clean the floor with paper towels so no one falls later.

Junmyeon sobs until he calms down just a bit. Even then, he’s slightly shaking. They all look at his hyung in silence.

“Am I stupid for wanting him to come back, Soo?” Kyungsoo doesn’t know what to answer, so he seeks for reassurance in the other members. Baekhyun and Jongin shake their heads and Kyungsoo mimics their movements.

“Hey... Hyung” he speaks softly “It’ll be better if we take you to your bed... How long has it been since you slept?”

“Yifan...” he doesn’t want anyone to feel pity for him, but it has been difficult to sleep since Yifan _died._ Deeply, at the very back of his mind, Junmyeon knows it is useless to keep waiting for the elder to come back one day.

“Come on, hyung. Let’s go to sleep, please” Kyungsoo sounds pleading, but Junmyeon doesn’t move at all, so he looks at the others again “Someone, help? _Please?”_ he wonders if they shouldn’t call their neighbors, Minseok and Yixing are good at handling existential crises. There’s no need, though. Chanyeol offers to take him to his room. “Let’s go, hyung”

“I- I can walk” Junmyeon tries to save the little dignity he still has.

“We’ve got you, hyung”

Everyone enters in the room with Junmyeon, just to make sure he's ok. Junmyeon looks at the empty bed (this is not even his house, but his friends didn't allow him to be alone) and he thinks how much he misses Yifan.

After his suicide attempt, Baekhyun and Kyungsoo agreed that Junmyeon had to stay with them. After all, Junmyeon was a college student once, he certainly wouldn't mind to live with five of them.

“Stay, please?” Junmyeon rarely asks for help. Sehun doesn't know how they are going to fit in a bed meant for two persons so he frowns but Kyungsoo makes him nod.

_We’re all sleeping here with hyung. Period._

  
  


During the morning, Kyungsoo wakes up, slightly disoriented because he’s not in his room, and then he remembers they’re all sleeping in the guest room, with Junmyeon. He’s cold because he doesn’t have his usual hoodie. He rubs his torso as he frowns to focus his way outside the bed.

He stares at his friends for a second. Junmyeon is hugging Sehun. Chanyeol’s back is pressed against his hyung, but he’s cuddling Baekhyun. Jongin is sleeping next to Sehun, almost falling from the small bed.

Junmyeon looks stressed, even asleep. He wonders if he’s having a nightmare, but he shakes his head and walks to the bathroom in silence. He curses under his breath for his bad sight, but thankfully he can come and back without scaring anyone again. He gets into the bed once again.

Before he falls asleep again, he wonders if he shouldn’t give one of Han-gege’s magic pills to make him sleep.

  
  


Baekhyun and Chanyeol wake up next, but they don’t move from the bed. They silently agree in not waking up Junmyeon, who has barely rested in weeks. They communicate silently between them, and Chanyeol even dares to kiss Baekhyun’s neck softly. He sighs before Junmyeon mumbles something and he worries he might have woken him up, but his hyung is still asleep.

He’s dreaming with Yifan, or so it seems because he can’t stop repeating the name. He’s also crying because Chanyeol feels his back dampening. Chanyeol mumbles something to Baekhyun, before they fall asleep again

Chanyeol keeps hugging Baekhyun, and he silently prays that Junmeyon doesn’t wake up soon so he and Baekhyun can stay together for a little longer.

  
  


When Sehun wakes up he notices his hyung smells like vanilla shampoo and coffee, no traces of alcohol (which has been a horrible constant the last few weeks), and that makes him feel relieved. He understands his hyung, though. He still misses his hyung and Yifan was just his friend. He can’t even imagine Junmyeon’s pain because of the knowledge Yifan won’t come back ever again. And that close from their wedding anniversary.

Junmyeon removes by his side, and leans his head over his chest, tickling him with his hair.

He frowns, when a memory of Yifan complaining from Junmeyon’s ticklish hair hits him. He wishes he could stop the agonizingly long torture his hyung is suffering.

Sehun was there when Junmyeon received the call. _Are you Kim Junmyeon?_ they asked, and Sehun knew something was wrong. _Sorry for your loss,_ Sehun heard, but he didn't had the courage to ask what they told him because Junmyeon bursted into tears.

Behind Sehun, Jongin stretches his arm to remove some hairs from Junmyeon’s forehead and he feels a sting in his chest when Junmyeon mumbles Yifan’s name. He isn't that heartless to correct him, so he just keeps stroking his hair, allowing Junmyeon to believe whatever makes him happy.

He tries not to cry as he closes his eyes to sleep again, with Sehun firmly pressed against his chest.

  
  


Junmyeon wakes up surrounded by his friends. When he opens his eyes, he can’t see anything but Sehun’s bright hair before he can properly focus everything. Yifan isn’t there (will never be), but it’s starting to hurt less. He can’t smell him, nor feel him, but he admits that he has slept better than any other day, so he thanks everyone in a hoarse voice. He isn’t surprised when everyone hummed in acknowledgement (they were all already awake, but didn’t move to not disturb him).

Junmyeon’s stomach growls.

“We should probably have breakfast” Kyungsoo suggests.

“I guess so” Junmyeon says, reluctantly.

When Junmyeon enters the kitchen, it looks already clean and alive. It seems like Sehun and Jongin helped Kyungsoo clean while he was cooking, because all the mess he saw yesterday is already gone. Baekhyun comes into the kitchen now dressed with a pair of gray boxers and one of Chanyeol’s big t-shirts.

They watch Kyungsoo cooking in silence until the breakfast is ready.

Junmyeon stares at the door, hoping for his husband to come and say it was all a joke to see if he missed him, but it doesn't happen. He shakes his head, trying to not to think about it anymore. Yifan wouldn't have liked that.

_"Will you be back before our anniversary, Fan?"_

_"I will, babe. I just need to sort this out"_

_"Can't anyone else do it?" Yifan shook his head._

_"You know how it is"_

_"I know" Junmyeon stared at Yifan dragging his suitcase to the front door with him "Please take care, ok?"_

_"I will"_

_"Promise me you'll be back in time"_

_"Yes"_

_"Say it"_

_"I promise I'll be back in time to spend my first anniversary with my wonderful husband" Junmyeon smiled._

_"I love you"_

_"I love you too" Yifan kissed him, and then he opened the door._

_"I'll be waiting for you"_

_"I know" Yifan smiled and walked out the house._

**Author's Note:**

> So, you see. I've been checking my past unpublished fics and I'm posting them, little by little. Adapting them, and rewriting them...  
> I tried to save this story somehow, I swear  
> Have I mentioned you that past-me was a little depressive? Ah...  
> This was hard, and I'm still not convinced it worked, but here it is.
> 
> Thank you for reading this disaster, and I hope you liked it (?).  
> Take care and stay safe~  
> Let's read us soon, ok? ❤️❤️


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